There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
