I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize