Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
