I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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