im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
