In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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