I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
