Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
