Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
