Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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