The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
