I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
