I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
