my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The Olympian is in my bed
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize