oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
