you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So vagazzling was a success
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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