i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Randomize
