The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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