so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
