I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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