ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
