I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
