Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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