holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
