I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
