..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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