Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
