I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
