'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
