She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
