So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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