my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize