go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
