I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize