Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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