that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We are two peas in an std pod
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
