and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
