He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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