New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
