When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize