Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
