I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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