Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
