He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
