party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
