Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
