alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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