Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
