she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Randomize
