Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
