I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
