dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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