i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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