im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
