I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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