Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
