i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
