Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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