dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
