He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
