My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
