im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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