it was like eating out sand paper
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize