WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
