Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Small penises have feelings too.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
