Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
