I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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