Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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