everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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