we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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