we have officially lost it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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