So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
