she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
